Under California law, “discovery” is the process of gathering and organizing the testimony and exhibits in a case prior to a trial. A “deposition” is one of several tools that attorneys may use during the discovery process. A deposition is the under-oath testimony of a principal or a witness in a civil or a criminal proceeding, conducted prior to a trial, and usually at the office of one of the attorneys in the case.

However, a deposition is not always required in a California divorce proceeding. When the case is not complicated, and when the divorcing spouses can settle most of their disputes amicably, a deposition usually will not be needed. Depositions can be helpful, however, when matters in a California divorce are in dispute and the attorney conducting the deposition is fully trained, experienced, and prepared. This is a general informational discussion about depositions in California divorce proceedings, but for personalized legal advice regarding any actual divorce in this state, a divorcing spouse should consult an experienced Orange County divorce attorney.

ARE THERE DIFFERENT TYPES OF DEPOSITIONS?

First, let’s define some terms. The two types of depositions are called “party” depositions and “witness” depositions. A “party” in this context is typically one of the principals – that is, one of the divorcing spouses. Other persons may be deposed in “witness” depositions. Party divorce depositions in California are “noticed” – that is, requested – through written requests from one spouse’s attorney to the other. Witnesses are usually served a subpoena to appear for a deposition. A divorce deposition notice or a witness subpoena in California may also ask for particular documents to be produced.

If you are divorcing and your divorce attorney is taking a deposition on your behalf, try to be there. You can assist your attorney in both preparing for the deposition and during the deposition. If you are the person being deposed, try to relax. You will be responding to a number of questions. Depositions usually are conducted in a lawyer’s conference room or office with a court reporter present to record everything that’s said “on the record.”

HOW LONG CAN A DEPOSITION TAKE IN A CALIFORNIA DIVORCE?

The California Code of Civil Procedure says: “…a deposition examination of the witness by all counsel, other than the witness’ counsel of record, shall be limited to seven hours of total testimony. The court shall allow additional time, beyond any limits imposed by this section, if needed to fairly examine the deponent or if the deponent, another person, or any other circumstance impedes or delays the examination.…” In other words, seven hours is the goal, but there can be a number of exceptions. Some important tips to remember about being deposed in a California divorce include:

• When you are being deposed, you must tell the truth. If you fail to do so, your spouse’s lawyer may find out, or a judge could find you in contempt of court. If there is anything that will negatively impact your deposition, discuss it with your divorce attorney prior to the deposition.
• Wait until your spouse’s attorney completely asks a full question before you begin your answer.
• Before you answer a question, wait another moment to see if your lawyer objects to the question.
• If you do not understand the attorney’s question, simply say, “I don’t understand the question” or ask the attorney to re-phrase the question a bit more simply.
• Never guess at an answer. If you are not sure of an answer, say, “I’m not sure.”
• Changes can be made in the deposition’s transcript, but if you make too many changes, your credibility may be doubted.

IF YOU’RE DIVORCING, WHAT ELSE MUST YOU KNOW ABOUT DEPOSITIONS?

Divorce lawyers prepare extensively for depositions. They may even conduct a “practice” deposition with a client prior to any actual deposition. The practice session can help you to remember pertinent details so that those details will remain fresh in your mind when the real deposition takes place. Do not bring any notes with you to a deposition; conceivably, your notes could become evidence that your spouse’s attorney may be allowed to examine.

As Orange County divorce attorney Brian Bayati explains, “A deposition is utilized by litigants in divorce proceedings to discovery various facts and obtain various documents from an opposing party. A deposition is an interrogation style proceeding during which the deponent is obligated to answer questions, under oath, posed by opposing counsel. It is not recommended that a party appear at a deposition without counsel, as deposition testimony may be used at trial to establish various critical facts.”

Divorce attorneys have to determine the right questions to ask during a deposition, obtain and produce the appropriate documents and other exhibits, see to it that the deposition transcript is accurate, and protect the legal rights of their clients while working for the best possible divorce terms. But the person who is seeking the divorce also has some preparation and work to do prior to a deposition. Here are some important recommendations regarding depositions for those who are divorcing in the state of California:

• Consult your attorney in advance of the deposition to help with the preparation. The more complicated a divorce is, the more preparation will be required.
• You should be present at all depositions during your divorce unless your presence will cause an unneeded distraction.
• Concentrate on the process, not the emotions. Divorce depositions are about gathering the facts in the case – and nothing else.
• Answer the questions that are asked – honestly and accurately – and say nothing more. Do not let yourself be drawn into an argument with your spouse’s divorce lawyer. Good preparation helps.
• When you are deposed, consider your answers and take your time. Make certain that you fully understand each question before answering. Do not rush to answer anything.

Depositions allow someone who is seeking a divorce to have the spouse and other key witnesses answer questions under oath. Another tool lawyers use in the discovery process, the “interrogatory,” has the same goal. An interrogatory is a set of written questions – often the same questions that would be asked in a deposition – that must be answered fully and honestly. A good divorce lawyer will fully prepare you for an interrogatory or for a deposition.

A divorce is never pleasant under any circumstances. Even when there’s nothing to dispute, divorce is difficult and painful. Anyone who is divorcing in the state of California will need a divorce lawyer who understands your anxieties and needs – someone who’s handled similar cases and offers aggressive representation, experience, and reassurance. The right divorce lawyer can help you approach the divorce process without fear, anxieties, or unnecessary reservations.

If you don’t know what you should expect, divorce court in California can be complicated, confusing, and even a little frightening. Orange County divorce attorney Brian Bayati says, “Every divorce proceeding is unique. Generally speaking, a couple decides, with the help of attorneys or by order of a judge, how to separate their disputed property and custody of their children.”

If you are divorcing or anticipating a divorce, knowing what to expect can eliminate most of the fright and confusion and allow you to focus entirely on the issues in the divorce. Sure, you can rely entirely on your divorce attorney to handle everything on your behalf. But if you can learn something in advance about California divorce law and about what to expect in divorce court, you’ll feel more confident, and you’ll be able to give your divorce lawyer more help.

Before you walk into a courtroom for a divorce proceeding, you’ll want to be as well-prepared as possible. You should read as much of the paperwork associated with the case as you can. If you are familiar with all of the legal documents and records, it’s unlikely that you’ll be surprised or taken off-guard by anything that emerges in the courtroom proceeding. If you’re doing nothing but “showing up” for court, you’ll be missing out on an opportunity to help yourself and your divorce attorney.

DOES A DIVORCING SPOUSE HAVE TO “PROVE” ANYTHING IN COURT?

California is a “no-fault” divorce state. Neither spouse has to prove that the other is at-fault, and either spouse may seek a divorce for irreconcilable differences. In a California divorce trial, while it is important to be prepared with the law and the facts, it may be even more important to prepare yourself emotionally. Some apprehension and anxiety are normal in almost any courtroom proceeding, but do not let it dominate your thinking. In the courtroom, you’ll advance your interests by being as logical and factual as possible. When your attorney explains legal options and choices, take your time before making any choice that’s irreversible.

Another key is telling the truth – no matter what happens and no matter what your spouse says. Any deception, exaggeration, or misrepresentation of fact will almost certainly damage your credibility in the courtroom. Prior to a California divorce trial, both spouses must complete and exchange a number of documents verifying their income, assets, properties, and expenses. Your attorney can help you go over all of the paperwork.

Even before going to divorce court, you’ll need to know what “temporary orders” are. Typically, temporary orders covering child custody, child support, spousal support are sought by one or both spouses prior to the courtroom proceeding – with the understanding that “final orders” will be issued when the divorce is finalized. Several kinds of emergency or “ex parte” temporary orders may also be issued during the course of a divorce proceeding.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN DIVORCING PARENTS SEEK CUSTODY?

When one or both spouses seek a temporary child custody order, the court will want to hear evidence regarding the child’s best interests – the child’s health, safety, welfare, education, and stability. If domestic abuse or substance abuse emerge as matters in a divorce with children, the court may issue orders that ensure the child’s safety. The court may also order a child custody investigation (or CCI), a child custody evaluation by a psychologist, a drug or alcohol assessment for one or both parents, and/or appoint a neutral attorney to represent exclusively the child’s or children’s best interests.

Temporary child support orders and temporary spousal support orders are typically based on the state’s formulas for child and spousal support, so it’s often a straightforward process if the income of both spouses is undisputed. However, if a spouse is self-employed, has fluctuating income, or is suspected of hiding income or assets, temporary child support orders and temporary spousal support orders can become complicated. Evidence and testimony may be needed, and one or both spouses may need a forensic accountant’s services and testimony.

In California, a trial setting conference is usually the preliminary step before a trial. Attorneys for both sides meet with the judge. Your attorney will tell you if your presence is mandatory or expected. The judge will ask the attorneys for both sides if the case is ready for trial. If the lawyers for both sides are ready, the judge may set a trial date, or the judge may instead schedule a date for a mandatory settlement conference.

Mandatory settlement conferences provide an opportunity to reduce the disputes between spouses prior to a divorce trial, and the conferences can be handled in a number of ways. Typically, attorneys and spouses meet to settle as many issues as they can. A judge may participate or the court may appoint a settlement officer to help the two sides reach some agreements.

HOW LONG DOES A DIVORCE TAKE IN CALIFORNIA?

The rules and procedures for a divorce in California apply equally to opposite-sex and same-sex married couples. A California divorce takes at least six months from the date when the non-filing partner is served with the divorce petition. In the days leading up to a divorce trial, your Orange County divorce attorney will keep you informed regarding discussions with your spouse’s attorney, the status of their efforts to settle disputed matters out of court, and anything else that you need to know.

When divorcing, spouses can agree in advance on matters like child custody, child support, the distribution and division of marital assets, and/or spousal support, they can avoid a great deal of time, trouble, and expense, and a divorce trial can often move to a relatively quick conclusion. To obtain a divorce in California, at least one spouse must reside in this state for at least six continuous months and must be a resident of the county where the divorce petition is filed for at least three successive months.

Divorces are not decided by trial juries in the state of California. A judge is the only person who makes final decisions in a California divorce trial. Courtroom-centered divorce trials are still conducted routinely in our state, and when the issues that separate a divorcing couple cannot be informally settled out of court, a divorce trial is the inevitable final alternative. Divorce is always difficult, and emotions can run quite high, so it’s essential to stay focused on the issues and to know in advance what you should expect in divorce court.

The statistics are still telling us that about 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will eventually end in divorce. The statistics also tell us that approximately 62 percent of the households in the United States include at least one pet. Thus, many if not most divorcing spouses are also pet owners. When a married couple chooses to divorce, what happens to their fur-covered companions?

A dispute over the “custody” of a beloved companion can be a formidable obstacle to pet-owning couples who seek to divorce, whether in California or in any other state. The best way to protect a pet in a divorce is to have a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement that precisely spells out who keeps ownership of the pet and how costs may be handled or shared for veterinary care, boarding, and related expenses. Having the future of your family’s pets decided legally, in writing, and in advance is the surest way to avoid a pet dispute should a marriage end in divorce.

It has always been common law in the United States that animals are deemed to be private property, so when there’s a divorce involving a pet or pets, the legal question has historically been a question of “ownership” rather than a question of “custody.” One law professor, David Favre at the Michigan State University College of Law, has proposed legal recognition of a pet’s status as a living being – a concept he calls “living property” which recognizes that pets, unlike objects, “have an inherent self-interest in their continued well-being and existence.” However, no state – so far – has put this concept into law.

HOW ARE LEGAL ATTITUDES TOWARD PETS CHANGING?

However, in recent years, there has also been a perceptibly growing trend among family law judges in a number of states to at least consider factors apart from “mere” legal ownership. In the state of California, for example, the best interests of a child will always be a family court’s highest priority, so if a child has become devoted to a pet, the child’s emotional attachment will be considered.

California has also approved and now and enforces laws that specifically protect domestic animals if there is a reason to believe that a domestic abuser may harm an animal – California Family Code Section 6320, for example. Pets may be included in the protection provided by domestic violence restraining orders, and law enforcement officers may remove pets from domestic violence situations.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reported in 2014 that 27 percent of the family law attorneys they surveyed confirmed that the number of pet-related divorce disputes is on the rise. Most of those disputes involve a dog. In most cases, if someone legally owns a companion prior to getting married, that person will probably keep the pet in a divorce. However, every case is different, so pet owners who are divorcing in southern California will need an experienced Orange County family law attorney with experience handling a variety of divorce-related legal disputes.

Here are several of the questions that a judge might ask in a pet dispute:

Q: Who cares for the pet?

A judge may ask who buys the pet food, who feeds and bathes the animal, and who takes it to the veterinarian. If you are the spouse who does that, gather the evidence to prove it. Get a statement from your veterinarian verifying that you are the person who brings the pet in for treatments and check-ups. If the pet is a dog, ask a neighbor to confirm that you are the one who walks the dog. Save pet food receipts with your signature. If you are the pet’s primary or exclusive caretaker, be sure that you can prove it if you need to.

Q: What about the children?

A: If the divorcing spouses are parents, and if a pet is truly a family pet, then it may be in everyone’s best interests for the animal to live with the child or children. If the custody of the child or children is shared, there is usually no reason why the custody of the pet or pets cannot also be shared.

Q: Whose lifestyle best accommodates the obligations of pet ownership?

A: If one divorcing partner works long hours or travels often, and the other partner works from home or has a daily routine schedule, obviously the spouse with the more predictable lifestyle is better suited to providing a good home for a pet. Most pets need consistency and plenty of positive interaction with their humans, so the spouse who can routinely provide consistency and interaction is in the better position to be awarded “custody” of a pet by a California judge.

HOW DO FAMILY COURT JUDGES MAKE DECISIONS REGARDING PETS?

Of course, if a divorcing couple has previously signed a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement that is legally valid in California, a family law judge will enforce that agreement. And even without a formal prenuptial or postnuptial document, if divorcing spouses can nevertheless reach their own agreement regarding the family’s pet or pets, a California family law judge will almost always sign off on that agreement.

Divorcing partners will typically have plenty of disagreements – in fact, that’s why they divorce. But in the state of California, whenever divorcing spouses can reach agreements regarding matters like the distribution and division of marital assets, spousal support, child custody, and the ownership of the pet or pets, they can save time and money and avoid a great deal of aggravation.

When domestic violence is a factor in a marriage or in a divorce, abusers often try to intimidate victims by threatening harm to the pet or pets. The ASPCA says that more than 70 percent of the pet owners they surveyed in domestic violence shelters report that a pet was threatened, harmed, or killed by an abusive spouse or partner. In California, a conviction for injuring or killing a pet is punishable in some cases by three years in prison.

Divorce is always unpleasant, but no one should have to worry about a beloved pet’s safety or future. If you are a pet owner who is divorcing in Southern California, you’ll probably need an experienced Orange County family law attorney who thoroughly understands your love for your pet. After all, spouses may divorce, but a good pet’s love is forever.

Q: Are grounds for divorce required in California?

A: In California, there are two grounds for divorce, which is legally called the “dissolution of marriage” in this state. Most people divorce on the grounds of “irreconcilable differences.” If someone simply checks that box on a California divorce petition, no further explanation is required, and eventually, the dissolution will be granted.

You may also still divorce on the grounds of “incurable insanity” although that’s extremely rare in California these days, and it requires medical verification. Additionally, there’s a residency requirement for divorce in California. One spouse must be a California resident for at least six months and a resident of the county where the divorce will be filed for at least three months before the divorce petition may be filed.

Q: What rules must be followed during the California divorce process?

A: When the divorce process begins in California, temporary restraining orders go into effect that prohibit both spouses from taking specified actions. Neither spouse, for instance, is permitted to take minor children out of California without the other spouse’s written consent or a court order. Also, in most cases, neither spouse can transfer property or change the beneficiary on a life insurance policy while the temporary restraining orders are in effect.

Q: What are my options regarding legal counsel?

A: The law does not require you to have an attorney’s help in a California divorce proceeding. You can represent yourself, but frankly, it’s never a good idea. Your other alternatives include full representation – letting one attorney handle every aspect of your divorce – or partial representation, where an attorney assists you in a limited capacity with certain parts of the process.

Divorcing couples should also consider arbitration, mediation, and collaborative divorce. Especially when a divorce is uncontested, these options can save both spouses time, money, and considerable emotional grief. In southern California, couples divorcing or considering dissolution would be wise to consult an experienced Orange County divorce attorney who can help them to determine precisely which option is best in their particular circumstances.

Q: Is divorce the only option for ending a marriage in California?

A: No. You can obtain a legal separation, or your marriage may qualify for an annulment. Some couples opt for a legal separation for religious convictions or for reasons linked to insurance or tax benefits. You remain legally married during a legal separation, but the court may divide and distribute marital property and issue determinations regarding spousal support and child custody, visitation privileges, and child support. If you are granted an annulment, it’s as if the marriage never happened. However, only certain marriages qualify for an annulment. Among the reasons that a California judge might grant an annulment request are:

• The marriage is incestuous or bigamous.
• The spouse seeking annulment was not yet age eighteen at the time of the marriage.
• One spouse perpetrated a fraud to obtain the other’s agreement to marry or forced or intimidated the other into the marriage.
• One spouse was “of unsound mind” at the time of the marriage.
• One spouse suffers an “incurable physical incapacity.”

Q: Is there a genuinely simple way to divorce in California?

A: Yes. In California, an uncontested divorce is called a “summary dissolution,” although not every divorcing couple will qualify. If a marriage is eligible for a summary dissolution, the divorcing spouses will have substantially less paperwork, and they will not have to make a court appearance. Both divorcing partners must agree in writing to all of the terms of a summary dissolution, and the marriage must meet these additional conditions:

• There are no minor children, neither spouse is pregnant, and no one seeks spousal support.
• The marriage has lasted less than five years, and the grounds for divorce are irreconcilable differences.
• Apart from car notes, there are no outstanding debts above $6,000, and neither spouse owns any real property apart from a lease under one year.
• Total marital assets are valued below $38,000, including retirement and deferred compensation (but not including vehicles), and neither party owns individual assets valued above $38,000.

Q: I’m ready. How do I file for divorce in California?

A: The smartest first move is meeting with an experienced local divorce lawyer – in Southern California, for example, you would contact an Orange County divorce attorney. You can download the necessary forms or purchase blank copies, but you really should have a divorce attorney prepare a Petition and a Summons on your behalf. You begin the process by filing your Petition and Summons with the Clerk of the Superior Court in the county where you or your spouse reside.

The Summons is a document which informs your spouse that you are filing for a divorce and that he or she will have thirty days to file the Response. In the Response, your spouse will indicate what particular issues are in dispute and will need to be resolved by the court. For example, he or she might object to your request for spousal support or your request for the sole custody of your children. California divorces can be lengthy, and as a rule of thumb, the more there is to dispute, the more likely it is that a divorce will be long and costly. Wherever you can make a compromise agreement with your spouse, do it.

Q: How is marital property divided in California?

A: All property that you and your spouse acquired through labor or skill during the marriage is, in almost all cases, marital property. You may have more marital property than you realize. You may have an interest in pension and profit-sharing benefits, for example, or in other retirement benefits or a business owned by one or both of you. Each partner legally possesses half of the marital property even if only one spouse worked outside of the home and even if the property is in one partner’s name.

Also, and with few exceptions, debts incurred in the course of the marriage are considered marital debts. This includes credit card bills, even if the card is in one partner’s name only. Student loans, however, are an exception and are considered personal debts. Marital possessions and debts are equally divided in a California divorce unless you and your spouse make a different mutual agreement.

The division of properties and debts can become quite complicated in many California divorces, so when you seek a divorce attorney, make certain that your attorney is substantially experienced in the division and distribution of marital properties and debts. The goal in a divorce is to make sure that you are treated properly and fairly, and the right divorce attorney can often make all the difference.

Q: May same-sex couples legally marry anywhere in California?

A: Yes. The Supreme Court’s 2015 Obergefell decision applies everywhere in California and every jurisdiction of every state, territory, and possession of the United States. No public official may deny a same-sex couple the right to marry.

Q: What is required for a same-sex couple to marry in California?

A: To marry in this state, partners must obtain a marriage license from the office of the Registrar-Recorder/County Clerk of any county in California, and then a ceremony must be performed by someone authorized to perform weddings in this state (someone like a judge or clergy member) within ninety days of obtaining the marriage license.

Both partners must appear together at the county office, complete the marriage license application, and present a government-issued picture ID and proof that they are both over 18 years old. (If either or both partners are under 18, it’s slightly more complicated.) Some California counties post wedding license applications online so that couples can complete the form in advance. The license fees vary by county, but in California, a marriage license is usually under a hundred dollars. No blood tests or health certificates are needed.

California marriage license is valid for ninety days, and the wedding may be performed anywhere in the state. The person who conducts the ceremony must be authorized to solemnize marriages in California,State and must complete and sign the marriage license after the ceremony. At least one witness age 18 or above must also sign the marriage license. The license then becomes a marriage certificate, which must be returned to the same county office where it was obtained within the first ten days after the ceremony.

Q: Who can solemnize marriages in California?

A: The persons who are legally authorized to solemnize marriage ceremonies in California include: clergy members; active and retired state court judges, court commissioners, and assistant commissioners; commissioners of civil marriages or retired commissioners of civil marriage; justices or retired justices of the U.S. Supreme Court or judges, magistrate judges, retired judges, or retired magistrate judges of other federal courts; state legislators or constitutional officers of the state; and members of Congress who represent a district within this state.

Commissioners and Deputy Commissioners of Civil Marriages perform civil marriage ceremonies by appointment at designated county offices. There is a fee, although in most California counties it is under fifty dollars. A couple may also have a friend “deputized” to perform their marriage ceremony through a county “Deputy Commissioner for a Day” program. The specific requirements vary by county.

Q: Is there any reason a same-sex couple should not get married?

A: Marriage is a solemn legal and personal commitment. Before a wedding ceremony, couples should learn all that they can about the legal consequences of marriage. Everyone considering marriage needs to deliberate cautiously and thoughtfully about the decision. People receiving particular government benefits – especially SSI disability payments, TANF, or Medicaid – should learn how those benefits will be affected by marriage. Before saying “I do” in southern California, it’s wise to consult with an experienced Orange County family law attorney about the impact a marriage will have on your life.

Q: Is a marriage license a public record?

A: Marriage licenses are public records, but in California,State, couples – if they are both age 18 or older – may also request a “confidential” marriage license. Persons other than the spouses may acquire a copy of a confidential marriage license only by obtaining a court order. A confidential marriage license may be an ideal option for couples who have reasons to keep their private and personal business private and personal.

Q: What happens if a same-sex couple marries in California and they later wish to divorce?

A: Before filing a divorce petition in California,State, at least one spouse must be a resident of the state of California for at least six months and a resident of the county in which the divorce is filed for at least three months. A divorce in Southern California should be handled by an experienced Orange County family law attorney.

Q: If a same-sex couple in California married before Proposition Eight went into effect, is the marriage valid or does the couple need to get married again?

If a same-sex couple married in California between June 16, 2008, and November 5, 2008, the marriage is still valid and recognized by the state of California. In 2009, the California Supreme Court ruled that Proposition Eight would have no impact on same-sex marriages conducted prior to Proposition Eight’s passage. No one needs to get re-married.

Q: If a same-sex couple has married legally in another state or nation, does California recognize the marriage, or should the couple remarry in California?

A: All couples who legally marry in another jurisdiction are recognized as married in California as well. There is no need for any couple to remarry in California.

Q: Are couples registered as domestic partners in California automatically married?

No. Registered domestic partners must decide whether or not to marry. Those who wish to marry must go through the same formal steps that are required for any couple planning to marry in California,State.

Q: Will registered domestic partnerships in California continue to exist?

A: Yes. Registered domestic partnerships still exist under current California law.

Q: Does an existing domestic partnership have to be dissolved before a same-sex couple can marry in California?

A: No. The California domestic partnership law permits an individual to be in both a marriage and in a registered domestic partnership simultaneously, provided both relationships are with the same person.

Q: Can you marry someone if you are in a civil union or a registered domestic partnership with a different person?

A: Before an individual in a civil union or a registered domestic partnership can marry another person; the previous legal relationship must be terminated. If you are in a civil union or a registered domestic partnership with another person, any marriage to a second person will be considered legally invalid.

Q: May out-of-state same-sex couples marry in California?

A: Absolutely! Come and enjoy our state. There is no residency requirement to marry in California,State.

If you are planning or anticipating a dissolution , retaining the advice and services of a good divorce lawyer is imperative; and, in southern California, you’ll want to contact an experienced Orange County divorce attorney. Hiring the right divorce attorney is the key to making certain that your dissolution is handled properly, that you are treated fairly, and that your children’s best interests come first.

While a good attorney can handle the legal aspects of your divorce, and your attorney needs to be understanding and sensitive to your concerns, other aspects of a divorce may require other kinds of help. Divorcing spouses often have anger, fear, and depression issues, barriers to communications with the ex and the kids, or difficulty with the parenting schedule or the new financial situation. When these are the kinds of challenges you face, you might consider looking into help from a “divorce coach.”

WHO HIRES DIVORCE COACHES AND WHAT DO THEY COST?

Most of us have heard about “life coaches.” They’re hired primarily by very busy people to offer advice on everything from finances to romance to exercise and health. “Divorce coaches” have only recently emerged, and they essentially function as temporary life coaches who guide you through the dissolution process. The American Bar Association actually defines “divorce coaching” on its website as “a flexible, goal-oriented process designed to support, motivate and guide people going through divorce to help them make the best possible decisions for their future, based on their particular interests, needs and concerns.”

Your first thought may be that a dissolution coach is probably expensive – something that will drive up the cost of divorce. However, the coaches and some of their clients say that divorce coaches can actually save if money if you follow their advice. Instead of relying on an attorney or a healthcare professional for services like providing emotional support, dissolution coaches can offer non-legal services at a substantially lower cost.

WHAT DO DIVORCE COACHES OFFER?

Divorce coaches come from a variety of backgrounds. When you look, you’ll find social workers, psychologists, bankers, accountants, nutrition and health experts, and even pastors and priests working as dissolution coaches. Michael Boulette, who teaches family law at the University of St. Thomas School of Law in Minneapolis, says “There are people who are dissolution financial planners that want to coach you with really an eye to helping you learn financial independence. Others have a mental health background and they’re helping you navigate the complex emotional feelings that you’re going through without necessarily being in a therapy setting.”

HOW SHOULD YOU SELECT A DIVORCE COACH?

What makes selecting a dissolution coach a challenge is that anybody can claim to be one. There’s no degree in divorce coaching and no professional association that sets standards. So, to find a qualified dissolution coach, you’ll want to scrutinize a person’s resume closely and then interview the person. Choose someone with at least a master’s degree or at least five years of successful dissolution coaching experience. Make sure that a divorce coach is recommended by his or her previous clients. You’re probably going to want someone who works as a counselor or psychologist, who practices family therapy or family psychology, or a mediator who has a background in family mediation.

You must have a divorce attorney, of course, but it’s not realistic to expect an attorney to handle every aspect of a dissolution. Your attorney will handle the legal side of your dissolution – the court dates, the filings, and negotiating the final divorce agreement on your behalf. A good attorney will fight relentlessly and tenaciously to ensure that you are treated properly in the dissolution process and that justice is served. But when you have other divorce issues, you may need to seek help elsewhere. Your attorney may be able to recommend a divorce coach or other resources in the community. Southern California has no shortage of counselors and advisors, both public and private, in every price range.

CAN DIVORCE COACHES PREPARE YOU FOR DIVORCE?

Sabrina Martin needed advice from someone who wasn’t a friend or an attorney. She sought the services of a local divorce coach who helped her even before she announced that the marriage was over. Sabrina’s coach encouraged her to look past the dissolution to the future she wanted for herself and her daughter. When she learned that her husband was having an affair, Sabrina’s coach helped her find some perspective.

Thanks to that preparation, Sabrina’s consultations with her attorney were quite productive, and a final agreement was reached in less than two months, keeping the total cost of her dissolution quite affordable. “Emotions are a huge component of divorce,” says Lynn Kaplan, a Toronto-based divorce coach with a background in mediation and family law. She adds that if the emotional side of dissolution isn’t handled properly, it can spill over – negatively – to the legal side.

Divorce coaching is growing and gaining support, even from divorce lawyers. One Toronto divorce attorney says that clients who work with a divorce coach are clients who are better prepared. “They come to meetings coping better and with a different attitude. They have more focused discussions, and it makes our life a lot easier to have someone able to focus on the legal issues and making good decisions as opposed to being ruled by emotions.”

For people who need assistance managing their money and understanding their new financial reality, a dissolution coach with a financial background can be quite helpful. Divorce coach Sandy Arons, an accredited financial counselor and mediator who owns Arons & Associates Divorce Financial Planning in Brentwood, Tennessee, says, “I focus on understanding the client’s financial fears and ensure the settlement addresses those fears, such as if they will they have enough money to stay in the house, if they will have to go back to work and how they will pay for private school,” she says. “I also review the parenting plan with clients, calculate the child support payment and help them create a very detailed monthly expense worksheet.”

WHAT WILL A DIVORCE COACH RECOMMEND?

What are the most important recommendations that a dissolution coach can offer to someone who’s in the middle of the dissolution process? Here are three important tips from dissolution coach and nationally-acclaimed author Laura Miolla:

• Be unmistakably clear and precise about what you want: Too many divorcing spouses simply endure the dissolution process to get it over with. When you know what you want, you have a purpose and you have a goal to reach for.
• “Silence your saboteurs”: Acknowledge your own fears and the criticisms of others, then set those fears and criticisms aside and move ahead constructively.
• Respect yourself: Stand up for yourself, and never let yourself feel humiliated or defeated. Retaining your honor and dignity is the key to retaining your emotional health and to coming out of a divorce prepared to move forward with life.

Ms. Miolla also writes that, “Divorce challenges you to have the courage to step forward, to face your fears and move forward anyway. You have one life on this earth and it is your responsibility to live it as best you can. No excuses.” If you want to come out of a dissolution prepared to move forward positively and constructively with your life, consider the option of hiring a dissolution coach.

You’ll need an attorney as well – that’s not an option – so in southern California, make sure that if you are divorcing, considering dissolution , or if you simply need to learn more, you retain the services of an experienced Orange County dissolution attorney. The dissolution help you need is here, and an experienced dissolution attorney can recommend a good divorce coach, but you must take the first step on your own and make the call.